INFORMATION ON PRIVATE PORTO RENTALS FOR 2017 IS NOT YET AVAILABLE
ALL INFO LISTED BELOW IS FROM 2016 AND MAY NOT APPLY TO THE COMING YEAR
Rental orders will be available until Sept 14, unless we hit max volume sooner. And that is a very real possibility this year. Don’t wait!
So.. we hit max volume in just over 12 hours. I’m putting a hold on further orders until I can confirm stock availability. If more are possible, I’ll set a limit to that number. Would you like to have one of those fancy schmancy PRIVATE portapotties near your camp? Are you ready to handle the pure potty power coursing through your veins as you wield a key to your very own john LIKE A WASTELAND BOSS, while the unwashed masses gaze upon you wistfully? You totally can! It’s awesome. Here’s how that’s going to work! (We will still be providing public porto units like usual. This offering does not change those numbers; it’s just an extra perk for those who want it.)
[ PRICES ] All prices include tax, delivery, pickup, and two services for cleaning/restocking (one on Friday, and one on Saturday). One private standard porto unit is $95. Plan for the right number of units for your group. A standard unit maxes out about 15 people over the course of the four-day event. It will handle fewer people with:
a lot of boozy drinking a higher ratio of ladies to men friends with a strong affinity for camp chili If you have 20+ people, it’s better to get two units than push the limits of one. Trust me on this. One private ADA (large handicapable) porto unit is $155. One unit can comfortably handle up to 7 people over the course of the event. They are bigger on the outside, but to allow for ADA access inside the tanks are about half the size of a standard unit. Don’t make the mistake of ordering one of these because it’s “nicer” and seems bigger – they quickly fill up and get nasty in between cleanings if overused. While the inside size seems handy, it’s not like you’re going to be sleeping in them. (Yes, I heard some people actually do. Just… no. Ew.) I share all this because a few renters from last year learned these lessons the hard way. You don’t have to. It is legal to rent an ADA unit if you aren’t disabled. Whether it’s ethical is up for debate. Some might give you dirty looks for using one. We strongly prefer that attendees do NOT rent handicapped portapotties unless they have someone in their tribe with a special need for one. They are difficult to source and require special retrofitting to lock. One sink station with water and soap is $79. They will not come with paper towels, as they tend to plaster the surrounding desert after a few gusts of wind. Sink stations would be restocked during the regular porto service on Friday and Saturday. The public unit groups already come with a sink station by law, but you might want to have one in your camp for some reason. Note: Private porto rentals do not have -any- effect on the overall number of public toilets provided for attendees for the event. They are a separate count simply added to the public unit delivery. “Prices went up! Why?” Prices had to be raised due to the additional porto techs and staff required to offer private rentals. The sheer volume of last year’s rental orders required special handling and long hours, so some changes were required to make sure we could still do the rental program moving forward. It was this or go back to public units for everyone.
[ DELIVERY ] The unit will be delivered on Wednesday, and it will be picked up after the event ends. I will handle all this; you don’t have to be there on Wednesday.
[ LOCATION ] This is a major change from last year, so make sure you read and understand it. We can no longer offer the option to have your porto installed in your campsite. We limited this option to only themed City camps last year, but it still caused logistical issues for our porto company. In order to still allow private rentals, we now have to place all of them in designated groups. Renters choose which porto group they would like the installers to set up their unit from the map below. I will have the unit dropped there, shut with a metal zip-tie, and marked “Rental #X.” I’ll let you know what your rental number is when I receive your Porto Rental form. When you arrive, you can go find it, cut the metal ziptie, replace the sign with your much nicer fancy one, and then have someone run the service key to Command Center. (Make sure you bring or borrow some tin snips. These metal zip-ties do not mess around.) I can help you find your ordered porto if it’s unclear when you arrive. I can’t guarantee that someone won’t be a jerk and snip the ziptie, but I really want to think the best of our fellow Wastelanders. If anyone is discovered tampering with a ziptied rental porto, our security team will be notified and there will be unpleasant consequences. They are not known for taking anyone’s crap. You may not move any porto from its installed location. If you are caught doing this, you will not be welcome to rent a unit in the future. There will be other repercussions as well. Don’t. “Why can’t I have my porto right at my campsite?” The biggest reason by far is the dreaded “w” word – wind. A single porto standing there on its lonesome is pretty easily toppled over. And I’m sure you can imagine what fun that is for the clean-up and everyone nearby. Portos in groups of 3 or more tend to hold up in even strong gusts out there, so the existing public groups are the safest place to install the private rentals as well. The other reason is that while our rental units are quite clean, they still have a pretty strong odor. That odor in the winds, plus the noise of use, makes them rather unpleasant to your surrounding Wasteland neighbors. All that said, if I see rental orders come in for 3 or more really close camps, I’m cool sticking them together as their own group if I have time. “But the past few years we had our porto right in our City campsite!” Wasn’t that nice? Last year we still allowed camp placement for City tribes. Unfortunately, there are simply too many portos onsite now for the cleaning crew to manage effectively unless they are in groups. The portos inside City camps were taking too long to hunt down and maneuver to, and it sucked having a porto truck in the middle of the City for most of the afternoon Friday and Saturday. It was also becoming a potential health issue having them inside close quarters as well, but the time issue was the driving factor for the change. If we’re to have nice, clean portos at the event, we now have to keep them in designated groupings. And I’m pretty sure a short walk to a porto group is a lot better than having none at all. I know some people will be unhappy about this, and I feel your pain. I do. But it was this or no private portos at all. “But I don’t know where we’ll be camping yet.” This is a tough one. I absolutely understand the concern. I have to have the units placed on Wednesday, so just do your best. I won’t be able to move them around once placed, so if you’re really not sure where you’ll be, plan for a general area near a porto group. The further out from the City the better, as those will fill up later. It’s not a long walk from one end to the other, so no need to worry about that. Here’s the porto group map, for reference. Remember, these might be adjusted a bit depending on the site conditions when we get out there. This is a good rough estimate. (Click it for a bigger version.)
[ MAINTAINING PRIVACY ] To keep your properly paid for private unit private, contract holders are going to have to do two things: Bring a keyed padlock with at least three keys. Bring a sign indicating that it’s a private unit. If you don’t bring this stuff, then your unit won’t be treated as private (so why bother paying for one?). No lock = anyone can and will use it. No sign = rude and pisses people off, and makes it hard to tell who was a jerk and put a lock on a public unit. So don’t forget.
[ LOCKS ] Bring a padlock that uses a key to unlock. They usually come with extra keys. You will need: AT LEAST two keys for your camp One key to give me, which will be passed on to the porto techs for service However many additional back-up keys you would like on hand (highly recommended) Make sure you make copies of this key! The porto techs will have them for most of the weekend, so I won’t be able to let you borrow it if you lose yours. Make a hundred copies if you need. Good idea: Put the camp key on something hard to lose/miss, and easy to hang up out of the way of mess, like they do in offices/schools. Not a good idea: Attaching it to a toilet seat as a joke, because people will actually use the toilet seat. Seriously. I know, right? Do NOT bring any form of combination lock. Sounds like a great idea, until the sand and winds clog it up with grit and dust, locking everyone out of your paid-for porto (including cleaning techs) on Friday morning for the rest of the event. Also, drunk people forget stuff. Learn from others’ bad fortune. No combo locks.
[ SIGNS ] Print out a sign on 8 ½ x 11 paper clearly indicating who the private porto belongs to. This is to prevent confusion, it helps our porto techs find the right key, and it’s just the polite thing to do. You’re a fancy ass Wastelander. You can be polite. –> If you use Comic Sans, there will be serious repercussions. <– Get some clear plastic page protectors. Stick your sign in one. Duct tape that sign to your fancy ass private porto Bask in the glory of rising above the plebian masses in your private throne room. Stuff to include on your sign: camp name something clearly stating that it’s a “paid-for, private” unit maybe some fun warnings describing what your camp will do to anyone caught infiltrating said unit don’t forget duct tape Make a couple of these signs in the protectors, in case one of the plebian masses rips your first sign off like an asshat. People who do that are jerks and don’t deserve to be called Wastelanders, but it can happen. Be prepared to defend your newly claimed lands. IMPORTANT: When you duct tape the sign to your unit, do not affix any of the tape to the porto supplier’s info plaques. The tape rips off the paint, and you could be liable for replacing it. Just put your sign below or above, depending on what works best.
[ CLEANING ] Your rental includes two cleanings of the unit. Sim Sanitation techs will come out once on Friday, and once on Saturday to clean all units, public and private. To take advantage of this, the techs MUST have access to your private unit. If the techs cannot get into the unit when they get there, then your unit will remain uncleaned. They do not have the time to run around looking for missing keyholders, nor do I. You will need to bring a copy of your porto key to the Command Center camp any time Wednesday or Thursday, no later than Thursday evening. It should have a small tag/label indicating renter’s last name and tribe name to prevent mixups. Please do this as soon after arriving at the event as is possible. Just go to the Command Center and say “Yo! I need to drop off my porto key!” and we will get you all set up. I will organize and label the keys and then meet with the Sim techs before the first cleaning to hand them off. Sim will keep the keyring for the Saturday cleaning, and then return to me. Getting the key into my hands is your responsibility. No key -> no cleaning -> no bitching at anyone but yourself. You can swing by Command Center anytime on Sunday to get your service key back. Any unclaimed keys might turn into costume pieces next year, so don’t forget.
[ COOL STUFF ] Night lights are amazing. They are motion-activated, and also light-sensitive (so they don’t turn on in daytime and waste batteries). As long as they are properly affixed, they will last the whole event. I highly recommend any renters pick one up for their unit. To keep them from getting dirty or lost during cleaning, I did the following: put in a ziploc baggie rest along the right side wall sitting on the ledge duct tape (thoroughly) to the wall I can’t afford to buy nightlights for the portos at Wasteland, but I can tell you, the renter, to go buy a few yourself for your unit. These things are AWESOME.
[ ORDER DEADLINES ] I will be closing out rental orders at end of day Thursday, September 15. As long as you get your order placed and placement form sent in before then, your rusty bum will be well cared for this year. If I get an ungodly number of orders this year, I may have to shut orders off earlier. There is a hard limit to how many portos are available to be brought on site. Don’t delay if you want one.
[ RESPONSIBILITIES ] To sum up, here are your responsibilities if you want to rent a private porto at Wasteland Weekend this year: Use only a keyed padlock to secure the unit (no combo locks). Provide Command Center with a service key no later than Thursday evening. Retrieve the service key from Command Center sometime during the day Sunday. Make and affix a sign per the above instructions to the unit. Do not tape the sign to the porto company’s placard. Do not move the unit from where it was installed. Do not damage the unit. Do not put any trash or non-toilet safe waste in the unit. Report any problems with the unit immediately to River or Command Center. It’s a pretty sweet deal. You should totally rent one like Wasteland royalty. ~ River, WW Parks & Rec (If you send me questions about portos already answered above, I will light your unit on fire and push it in to your camp. Or the other way around. Whatever works.)